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Elaine Ambrose

Elaine Ambrose is an award-winning author and publisher from Eagle, Idaho. Her new book Midlife Cabernet won the Silver Medal for Humor from the 2014 Independent Publisher Book Awards program (IPPY) and received a 4-Star review from ForeWord Reviews. Her book Menopause Sucks humorously informs hot women what they should do before they break something. Her blog Midlife Cabernet provides sassy tips for middle-aged women on her web site, www.ElaineAmbrose.com.

Elaine’s company, Mill Park Publishing, received the 2012 Independent Book Publisher Award (IPPY) for publishing a collection of short stories about weddings dresses – the good, bad, and forever-boxed. She donates proceeds from her books to local charities. Her short stories appear in several national anthologies, and she organizes writer’s retreats in central Idaho. Elaine is a popular public speaker and her most requested topic is “Live Happy or Die Crabby.” Elaine lives and laughs with her husband and is cheerfully tolerated by her grown children and delightful grandchildren. An avid traveler, Elaine has visited 30 countries around the world but enjoys being home writing stories, preferably fueled with a bold Cabernet.

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Posts by Elaine Ambrose:

  • The Midlife Sage Asks: What’s So Funny?

  • January 21st, 2020
    The words “Cook in your underwear” aren’t that funny. But in the context of a speech I gave last week to the Idaho Association of School Administrators, the phrase prompted 500 people to spontaneously laugh out [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: You Don’t Need to Shop ’til You Drop

  • February 8th, 2018
    Using free time. While on a business trip, most women use their free time to exercise in the hotel gym, find the nearest wine bar, or pretend they are comfortable browsing in Saks Fifth Avenue. I usually combine all [...]

  • Why Funny is Always Fashionable

  • Why Funny is Always FashionableOctober 15th, 2014
    You know you’re at peace with yourself and the universe if you can enter a crowded social function, scan the room, and then join the group creating the most laughter. After a certain age, you don’t waste time with [...]

  • Hallucinating With Storybook Friends

  • October 2nd, 2014
    I recently experienced a knee injury so painful that I sobbed until tears and snot covered my face, and I ignored my mother’s admonishment to wear fancy underwear before going to the hospital. After x-rays confirmed [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: How To Plan And Survive Your Midlife Birthday

  • September 10th, 2014
    My most memorable childhood birthday could be a case study for why some people need therapy. My mother’s baby died during childbirth a few weeks before my 8th birthday, so my gift was a big doll with all the clothes [...]

  • Midlife Dating: That Hot Feeling Isn’t Always Menopause

  • September 5th, 2014
    Nothing screams “pathetic loser” more than being a middle-aged divorcee alone at a festive party where beautiful couples are trading sloppy kisses and giggling like demented clowns. There’s not enough spiked punch [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: Go Hang A Banana

  • August 26th, 2014
    The world is smoldering toward catastrophic self-destruction, so it’s only sensible that I take a brief moment of clarity to offer this lovely tidbit of advice before the final tragic calamity ignites the end of civilization. If [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: Learning From The World’s Great Chefs

  • August 11th, 2014
    A few years ago, I traveled on a cooking tour of Italy and learned how to make authentic dishes with acclaimed Chefs Antonia and Giulianna at the Villa Serego Alighieri near Verona. The property, surrounded by vineyards, [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: From Harley-Davidsons To Hostess Ding Dongs

  • July 14th, 2014
    In a former life, I rode a Harley-Davidson motorcycle, drank gallons of cold beer, ate greasy chicken wings, and made love at noon in a mountain meadow. Now I drive an SUV, sip laxative tea, and snack on protein bars. [...]

  • Podcast: The Midlife Laughter Challenge

  • July 14th, 2014
    Listen Here: Elaine Ambrose, who through her books, blogs, and speaking engagements, encourages women over fifty to discover the happiness that comes from having a consistent laughter routine. Her new book, Midlife [...]

  • Saying “Happy Birthday” To An Ex-Father

  • July 8th, 2014
    For ten years, I enjoyed membership in a large Italian family, and they excelled in festive reunions, dramatic gestures, abundant food and drink, and naming several people Michael. After I canceled my membership by divorcing [...]

  • The Joys Of Traveling With Your Children (Over 30)

  • July 8th, 2014
    If given the choice between traveling with small children and having a root canal, I’d be at the dentist office sucking laughing gas before noon. I adore kids but the logistics of getting them more than 100 miles [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: Take The “Midlife Laughter Challenge”

  • June 24th, 2014
    Because women over age 50 want yet another test, I’m offering the “Midlife Laughter Challenge” for those who still believe that life needs a middle-aged chuckle instead of a middle finger. The challenge [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: My Grandkid Has More Chromosomes Than Yours

  • October 28th, 2013
    In January of 2009, a woman in California gave birth to eight children, giving her a total of 14 healthy kids. She was single, unemployed, living with her parents, and later she received income by filming a pornographic [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: My 50-Pound Speed Bump

  • October 18th, 2013
    Do you run out of the door while texting and juggling a loaded alligator bag the size of a real alligator? Do you leave on a relaxing vacation and take a laptop computer, an IPad, and a cell phone and all the necessary [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: How To Find Sweet Love After A Sour Divorce

  • September 16th, 2013
    When I was invited to a New Year’s Eve party several years ago, I did what any 45-year-old divorced woman would do. I rented a costume complete with velvet gown, a jeweled crown, and ornate scepter and went as [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: You Can Enjoy A Family Vacation Without Drama Or Lawsuits

  • September 10th, 2013
    I recently joined my adult children and their families on a wonderful trip to the Oregon Coast. This is a remarkable achievement for me because I have two brothers within a day’s drive of my home and we would rather [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: Redefining Grandmother

  • September 3rd, 2013
    My grandmothers were the quintessential matrons: they grew lush gardens, baked pies, canned peaches, crocheted doilies, and then peacefully passed away in their nineties. My life has been a bit different, and I just [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: Keeper Of The DNR File

  • August 26th, 2013
    The call comes at any hour: “Your mother is in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.” I grab the DNR File and go, anticipating that she will survive the latest calamity just as she has for the past 86 years. Her [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: A Thanks And An Apology To My Former Teachers

  • August 19th, 2013
    As teachers prepare to return to work, and I’d like to remind them that their labors are not in vain. Someday, maybe forty years from now, they will receive a thank you and/or apology from former students who have [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: It’s Civil Discourse, Stupid

  • July 15th, 2013
    My friends include conservatives, liberals, and even some confused horticulturalists. Their diversity of opinions creates a rich and lively stew of beliefs, and I enjoy the debate. Two of my best friends hold opposite [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: Water the Artificial Flowers

  • July 8th, 2013
    This week I visited Mom at her care facility, and we enjoyed a bland, soft-food lunch in the pleasant dining room. During the meal she dumped her water glass into the vase of plastic flowers on the table, explaining [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: Colonoscopies Redefine The Term “Old Farts”

  • June 18th, 2013
    The good news: I lost several pounds in 24 hours. The bad news: a stranger inserted a camera at least a mile up my fanny and then she charged me $1,500 for the privilege. But the procedure known as a colonoscopy could [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says Public Breastfeeding Can Be Expressed In Good Taste

  • June 11th, 2013
    I recently attended an elegant wedding at a seaside resort where the gift table and the guests were well-endowed. However, there was some engorged indignation at the reception as two perky women nursed their babies without [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: Survive A Sleepover Without Needing A Manual Or Medication

  • May 31st, 2013
    When my charming granddaughter Sweetie Pie is finished with her meal, she throws the dishes and leftover food from her high chair tray onto the floor. She then proceeds to cross her arms, and smile at me. I tried this [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: Granny’s Guidelines For Graduates

  • May 20th, 2013
    I’m the commencement speaker next week at the College of Southern Idaho. I could tell them they are doomed, there aren’t any jobs, the country is on the brink of destruction, they’ll never get out of debt, and [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: Avoid Death By Hyperbole

  • May 10th, 2013
    Middle-aged women are entitled to an occasional Snark Attack so they can stomp on civility and ridicule annoying behavior. This happened recently as I was reading messages on Facebook and then indignantly scoffed at [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says It’s Okay To Run Away

  • April 29th, 2013
    Are you so stressed and tired you don’t care if your shoes match? Are you being unjustly criticized by obnoxious people? Do you feel like crap because your exercise bike is a clothes hanger and you just finished [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: Fight Tragedy With Tenacity

  • April 26th, 2013
    Twenty years ago an uninsured punk ran a stop sign and crashed into me as I cheerfully drove up 5 Mile Road in my new car. I regained consciousness in the hospital and had broken bones, multiple contusions, and a damaged [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: The Proper Care & Coddling Of Curmudgeons

  • April 21st, 2013
    I see old people. And there is one looking back at me in the mirror. Just yesterday I was cruising down the road in my 1972 Firebird swaying to some saucy songs from Carole King’s Tapestry album blaring on my 8-track [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: Dealing With Death, Taxes, And Independence

  • March 26th, 2013
    Are your taxes done? Does your accountant begin to have seizures when you come to your appointment? Are you promising that this year you will do a better job of keeping accurate records so you don’t need to frantically [...]

  • Midlife Sage Says: Let’s Discuss Kegels, Incontinence, And Crazy Caballeros

  • March 19th, 2013
    There is a reason most middle-aged women don’t ride on galloping horses, jump on trampolines, or finish a set of jumping jacks during exercise class. We wet our pants. Throw in a simple sneeze and it’s all [...]

  • The Midlife Sage Says: Enjoy A Family Vacation Without Drama Or Trauma

  • March 12th, 2013
    You’ve seen the advertisements. They feature glossy photos of deliriously happy families laughing together on vacation. Keep in mind that these people are paid strangers and will never see each other again. For a sobering [...]

  • The Midlife Sage: The Fun Of Falling In Love At Fifty

  • February 22nd, 2013
    Falling in love. Nothing screams “pathetic loser” more than being a middle-aged divorcee alone at a festive party where beautiful couples are trading sloppy kisses and giggling like demented clowns. There’s not [...]

  • Midlife Sage Says: A Kiss Every Day Outlasts Lingerie

  • February 12th, 2013
    The National Retail Federation predicts $18.6 billion will be spent on Valentine’s Day gifts. Gifts that include jewelry, flowers, candy, and greeting cards. However, many middle-aged couples ignore the hype and prefer [...]