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Why I Don’t Date Vampires

I realize that vampires are very fashionable in books and on screen right now.

However, no matter how romantic they may seem, I do not want to date a vampire. First there is the obvious reason, I don’t know any real vampires. (Though my ex-husband was certainly an emotional vampire – he managed to suck all the fun out of everything.)  And there’s the other problem: a real vampire would probably want to drink my blood and kill me, which apparently is just a minor detail if you’re in love.

My friends and I were discussing the new Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 movie coming out soon. We decided one of the main draws of Stephenie Meyer’s vampires is that when they fall in love, they do so for life. Wow, talk about tapping into one of women’s greatest fantasies. There are no mid-life crises to worry about and no concern about other women; they simply adore you no matter what.

Even so, I just don’t think vampires are good marriage material.

I’m a modern woman fresh from a divorce and so I’m just a teeny bit cynical (okay, very cynical and a little envious). Loving you forever sounds great, but vampires never die so that’s a lot of time.

In the many years I was married, my ex-husband and I both managed to build up plenty of resentment. Imagine what that would be like after 400 years of marriage to a vampire. You’d be sitting around with your sparkly vampire husband and you’d start complaining how you didn’t like the way he looked at that waitress 200 years ago. Then he’d complain that ever since the Civil War, you’ve really started to let yourself go. Suddenly forever seems a whole lot longer.

I know, I know, vampires are also supposed to be gorgeous.

That might be enough to get you through the first 100 years, but I need more than a pretty face after that.

So instead of trying to meet a Twilight vampire, I’m going to spend my time looking for a truly mythological creature – a sweet, smart, fun, single guy who is interested in a relationship. I realize I probably have a better chance of finding a unicorn prancing in my front yard, but that won’t stop me from looking. After all, I may not have forever, but I’m willing to wait so I can find the right leading male character in my own version of a romance story.


By Laura Browne, a contributing blogger for JenningsWire.