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Pound For Pound (Relationship Rehab)

No, it’s not what you think it is.

I’m not talking about cake your mother or grandmother bakes for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  I mean, how many of us like pound cake anyway?  *raising hand.*  I’m here to talk about relationships gone bad and we have all been through those types of relationship in which we thought it would last but either one or the other person decides that enough is enough.

Doing my best not to repeat myself, remain bitter or get angry with anyone.  Some of us go through so many relationships or so much within relationships that you just don’t want to deal with them anymore.  I always tend to say to men, “And you wonder why we act the way  we do.”

What age did you think that you were in love?

I’ll give you a minute because most of us have to go back a ways. . . I was 13.  I called myself infatuated.  This boy carried my books (we’ll call him Maleke).  He told me that he had been watching me for a long time and had been wanting to get to know me.  He couldn’t pronounce my last name so he called me “beauty” as I was later told in life.  We were in a relationship on and off throughout the years.

**Names have been changed for the privacy of the men involved**

Let me clarify, he was always in my life so he was my first boyfriend.  My second and what people called “true love”, was three years after the first.  We remained together for two years. (We’ll call him Jamal) Now, I’ve gone through seven relationships and you would think by now when is it going to end and I’ll find the right one?  But I learned as I got older, I was worried about the wrong thing.

My third boyfriend, of course, three became my lucky number (laughing to myself), meaning that the third boyfriend was also three years after the second boyfriend.

We remained together for a year and five months. (We’ll call him Devin) He moved back home to Brooklyn, New York after being in the military.  I thought I was doing good because I was 24 years old. Three years passed and boyfriend number four shows up. (We’ll call him Oliver)  Granted, that was a short lived relationship but, still dealing with the number three; after him I waited, 14 years to deal with anybody else.

I felt it was time to think about myself, what I love to do best and travel.  I did all of that.  My fifth boyfriend and I were together for four years. (We’ll call him Darryll) It ended because he thought I was cheating and I wasn’t.  Three in a half years later, guy number six came along and we remained together for a 1 and a half years.  (We’ll call him Seth)

I broke tradition and decided that three years is just too long to “get to know myself” again.

I was contemplating letting go of him on a journey to be with my dad’s side of the family, I prayed and asked for signs.  When I returned home I asked to be let go of.  Guy number seven came into the picture and we remained together for three to four years. (We’ll call him Darius) Why is it  that when men break up with you, it’s around the holidays?  During that time with boyfriend number seven, ex boyfriend number five, Darryll, and I started hanging out together.

Just enjoying the time with ex boyfriend number five by going to the movies so, that I won’t be bored during the day.  Even though boyfriend number seven, Darius, was a bit jealous, he trusted me.  My mother said, “you need to go see Darryll because he’s sick.”  I went to see him.   One night, I received a call from his niece stating that rehabilitation had put him in the hospital and they did think he was going to make it.  I went with his niece to visit him, talk to him, rubbed his forehead, and kissed his hand.  I told him that I would return.  He was able to hear but not respond.

I returned the next night and stayed for a few minutes.

The night after that, I received another call from his niece tell me he had passed at midnight (considered Friday morning)

The man that I was with at that time felt as though my love for him had left me because I could not contain the tears I had for Darryll.  It had been two years since the passing of Darryll and I think about him often.  I never thought I’d be in that position to say that I lost someone that special to me.  I guess he knew he was sick the reason he wanted to spend time with me.

Around Thanksgiving two years ago Darius felt that it was time for me to leave.  He never gave me a reason for leaving but, I’ll say that I was cramping his style and he was tired of me.  Since he wanted it that way, I felt that he lost all authority in knowing what I was doing with my life.  I told him nothing and when I started moving things, he had this look on his face and he asked me what I was doing so, I told him.  My mother taught me never to go backwards.  From all seven of these men, I’ve endured either being cheated on, abused verbally, physically, emotionally or mentally.

During the two years in my own place, I’ve gone through crushes, infatuations, and gone out on dates.

Darius tends to call and come over to check on me but, when I began to understand how I was feeling through the word of God, I was able to wait and God brought someone new into my life.  (We’ll call him Kavelle). . . .to be continued. . .

**Names have been changed for the privacy of the men involved**

Stacey Barlow is a contributing blogger for JenningsWire, a blogging community created by Annie Jennings.