What are the two most frightening words you can say to anyone over 50? Nursing Home.
It’s true that we girls are still young, but we’ve decided it’s high time we come up with a plan for ourselves that doesn’t involve living with our children or going to Amityville. I mean, really…have you read the horror stories? It has been reported that only 1 out of 10 nursing homes gives quality care and hires enough staff to give adequate attention to their residents.
Granted, we have no idea now what our needs might be as we age. Nor do we know if some, any or all of us will be around when the time comes that we cannot live alone without assistance (We’re thinking around 80 – give or take a few years.).
Additionally, none of us has long term care insurance, which pays for four-star nursing home care when you are eligible for it. But what we do have is a very creative and talented group of women who can share responsibilities and possibly even live together in an elderly commune.
We can determine what of our skills we can share and bring to the group, and we can then hire the rest of it out.
We decided to make a list of what we would like to do: Cara and I both adore cooking; Janine and Mootsie don’t mind running the vacuum and dusting; Eva is good at laundry, with the added bonus that she loves tennis and the Shopping Network (she maintains she can give us the lowdown on who’s winning Wimbledon, and alert us to jewelry bargains), Liz is a math whiz, so she can handle the house finances, and Marissa and Bunny don’t mind kitchen clean-up and grocery shopping.
We will hire the following people: a gardner/lawn maintenance man; a pool boy; a handyman; a pool boy; a part-time maid; and a pool boy. And if the time ever comes – a driver. We are not going to be sticklers about giving up our licenses. In fact, we might even embrace it!
So, we must be on the lookout for a four bedroom ranch with at least three bathrooms, a security system, and…a pool. If we cannot find one, then we will build one with money from the sales of the homes we currently own. We will have two German shepherd dogs for comfort and protection, and Marissa knows a little karate.
With so many people around, it’s unlikely we will need to wear a personal alarm around our necks. We will need no stair lifts, nor will we apply for the free personal mobility vehicles promised to us on TV, and paid for by Medicare.
Quite pleased with ourselves for the little plan we have roughly sketched on paper, we have decided that we might even hire a bartender on the weekends we plan to swim, sit around the pool and read or play cards.
Of course, we will also hire an attorney to make everything legal, so as to protect our interests until the last man standing. We just have one question:
Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?
See you next Tuesday