In general, women have no idea of the incredibly negative impact their words can have on the man in their life.
One of the key elements a man wants in order to be happy with and remain in his relationship is positive regard.
What is positive regard?
Well, let me first tell you what it does not mean. It definitely never means, even in anger, saying anything like…
- You Never Do Anything Right!
- You Are Such A Jerk!
- You Are So Selfish!
- I Should Never Have Married You!
- You Only Think About Yourself!
- You Are A “*%$#!”
- It Is Your Fault We Can’t Pay Our Bills!
- You Are A Terrible Lover!
- I Hate You!
These may sound extremely harsh and shocking, however, they are the things women are telling, sometimes yelling at their men, and then wondering why their relationship is not working.
To have a positive regard for someone means that you have a good opinion of their quality and worth. In other words, you think very highly of the person. As humans, we all desire those around us to think we are pretty special. However, for men in a committed relationship or marriage they need this in order to feel good about their relationship and to want to keep it going.
So why do women do this?
Mostly because they are frustrated and angry with their man and do not have successful conflict resolution and/or communication skills to handle their negative feelings. Most of the time, they are so wrapped up in their own feelings about the situation that they completely miss the damage they are causing to their man and their relationship.
Unfortunately, when a man hears these messages long enough he will shut down and emotionally and/or physically leave the relationship. Usually at this point, the woman has no idea things had gotten so bad for him and is shocked that he is no longer “in” the relationship with her.
I am often asked if a relationship can be saved once it has reached this point.
Most of the time, the man is so far gone out the door that it becomes very difficult. However, when he is willing to work through the issues it definitely is. It boils down to two things: how much damage has been done and if he is willing to stay and heal the relationship.
I have helped many couples with this particular issue and have witnessed incredible healing in their relationship. They learn how to communicate effectively and to move their conflicts to a place of resolution rather than damaging one another. They experience a renewed excitement and love for one another again creating a very happy relationship.
Read more posts by Bree Maresca-Kramer, M.A., nationally recognized relationship expert, acclaimed relationship & life coach, talk radio show host, relationship expert & pop culture analyst columnist. Bree blogs for JenningsWire.