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Why Am I So Possessive?

Let’s face the facts; many of us are very possessive of our love interests.

What is really going on when we feel like this? You need to know. Why? Because it is absolutely not mentally healthy.

When we feel possessive we are really feeling a need to try to fulfill our needs from outside sources.

Possessiveness is a clue to us that we are not feeling complete, and our self-worth is lacking nourishment.

In other words, when we are unable to truly love ourselves, we find false comfort and fulfillment in possessing someone else’s love for us. If we don’t truly believe that we are enough, we look for possessions and love from others to satisfy our own insecurities.

The big problem here (besides not having self-love) is that possessions external to us are subject to being taken away, or going away.

Relationships end, period. We own no one and no one owns us, except ourselves. Yet when we are possessive, we try to hold on to people for dear life. When they decide to go, we obsess, stalk, dream, and fall into frenzies wondering “what did I do so wrong” to make him or her leave me?

This began with our possessive nature. Possessiveness fosters jealousy, and jealousy destroys any true love. When we are in a relationship, and our sole fear is losing our loved one, there can never be any true growth of love, or what we perceive that love should be!

This type of love is not real.

It is more a reflection of what we really need. Needing someone is so far from true love that only destruction can come from it. Possessiveness means one is resistant to change. The possessive one’s ultimate goal is to keep things the way they are. This behavior is an artificial way of living and loving.

That is why when a relationship ends (by the other party’s choice), we cannot let it go, and obsess over “how to get him/her back” and “what did I do to ruin it?” This type of thinking destroys our love object, and ourselves.

If you are hearing yourself in this blog, you need to immediately begin taking care of yourself and your needs. Stop looking at the world through self-centered eyes, and stand on your own two feet.Understand you are not the center of anyone’s universe except your own.

Do for yourself what you want others to do for you.

Reassure yourself. Feel possessive of yourself. No one in the world can make us feel whole, worthy, or happy. Those needs are met solely through ourselves!

Expect no one to fill your needs. And get this twist. The less possessive you are, the more loved you will be. Independent thinkers and feelers are the most attractive to others. Needy and clingy people are easy to spot, and a huge turn-off to healthy thinking others.

You cannot be possessive and have healthy self-esteem. If you are possessive, you have needs to meet before you seek them out in a partner. Self-esteem is about love and choices. Possessiveness is prison while self-esteem is freedom. Make a choice, and improve your life!

Read more posts by Leo Battenhausen, MSW, addiction and mental health counselor.  Leo is a blogger for JenningsWire.