We met at a local bar, he bought the first round and I bought the second, we chatted for a couple of hours, and then I left. When I recounted this to another male friend, he said, “So it was a date!”
This second male friend—I’ll call him Gilbert, mostly because it’s the silliest name I could think of—told me: if a guy and a gal go out in a social setting alone, it’s considered a date.
Stop the train—I want to get off this locomotive!
So with that logic, if I hang out at Starbucks a lot I’m a barista. Or if I prepare Mac ‘n’ Cheese without looking at the instructions I’m a chef. Or that one time I slapped a bandage on my bloody knee—now I’m a surgeon. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Not to mention dangerous. (I mean, not like rock climbing without a harness dangerous; more like the danger that comes from mild misunderstandings.)
Here’s what I take issue with: you can’t date me without my knowledge. And do you know why? Besides the fact that it makes you an oblivious, narcissistic stalker, it doesn’t serve anyone.
The biggest mistake that everyone makes (besides wearing socks with sandals) is assuming that everyone else thinks, feels, reacts and believes exactly as you do. Except maybe someone who exists on a higher consciousness, like the Dalai Lama. (Although I’m pretty sure I once saw him bitch-slap someone for messing up his preset radio stations.) I mean, if other people always knew just how you were feeling and what you wanted at any given moment, sure that would be great—though we’d all have to find new hobbies since hinting, manipulating, threatening, and pouting would all be tricks of the past. But that would be great just like total world peace would be great: a lofty idea with an achievability rating of .01 percent.
Gilbert had a thoughtful look on his face and then said, “Ohhhh, maybe that’s why all those women used to get so mad at me.” He thought they were just hanging out or hooking up, but she thought they were building a relationship. And when he seemed to suddenly lose interest, the women were confused and upset. Duh!
Men and women both love to rant and rave about the other sex being so hard to read, but I think what’s closer to the truth is that both genders make so many assumptions about the other that it’s like trying to read hieroglyphics.
In the dark. Without your glasses. In my opinion, Gilbert should have been open with these gals about what he was interested in. But the women also needed to take responsibility and tell Gilbert what they were looking for. I think this calls for a resurrection of that great old adage: when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
I watched a movie the other day where, after a lot of sparks and build-up, the guy looked at the girl with bedroom eyes, took a sexually-charged step forward, and said, “Well maybe you should help me practice.” She looked him square in the eye and said, “Are you asking me out on a date?” “Yes,” he replied, “I’m asking you out on a date.” “Well then yes,” she said with a big smile. His intentions and her answer are both crystal clear—no room for mind reading or misinterpretations here.
Let me be very clear: if you don’t want histrionics, glove slaps, death threats or—worst of all—to be unfriended on Facebook, then don’t date a girl (or guy) on the sly. Secretly dating someone will not make them accidentally fall in love with you.
So, here’s how to know whether you’re on a date or not. Ask her out. If she says yes, then you’re on a date.
Selena Templeton is a blogger with JenningsWire Online Magazine. For more posts by Selena please visit here.
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