Has someone has been unkind to you and you haven’t been able to stand up for yourself?
As a child I allowed people to treat me in ways that were insensitive, and sometimes even abusive because I was told I MUST be a ‘nice girl’.
My fear of rocking the boat was enormous….
I was so scared of people leaving me and being on my own that I did whatever it took to get people to like me.
So I guess it comes as no surprise that I became a Doormat.
Step One: Become aware
I hit a rock bottom in 2000 and hired a life coach who taught me all about self-respect. Setting my own personal boundaries felt so scary because as a child I learned that asking for what I want was selfish.
Once she shined the spotlight on my own behaviour I stopped pointing the finger of blame on everyone else and moaning to my friends about how badly I was being treated. For the first time I stopped being the victim and started taking responsibility for myself.
Shine a light on yourself. What things are you doing specifically that are not making you feel good. This is the best place to start.
“Are you saying I can’t be considerate?” Running around trying to please everybody because you think that makes you a nice person, puts you in serious doormat danger.
This, my friend means you will have zero self-confidence and here’s the thing: when you have lost self-respect for yourself, everyone else loses respect for you too. How is that a winning strategy for you?
Step Two: Ask for what you want
I know this sounds really simple but when Madonna and Oprah were recently interviewed on the most important factor for success, this is the tip they gave.
After I handed in my resignation as a doormat I got brave and asked my partner for what I wanted; a commitment in our relationship, even though it felt TERRIFYING.
Guess what? I got it. Every day when I coach my clients I ask them to resign as a doormat and guess what?
I get results. So now I’m asking you:
Step Three: Drop the doormat, catch your confidence
If I can change from being a doormat to being empowered, so can you! It doesn’t take any special skills, just the willingness to do it.
Believe me my friend, you don’t know how good it’s feels when you say “No” and have people respect you for it. I want you to promise yourself – if you ever catch yourself allowing someone to speak down to you STOP!
Take a moment…
and remember: wanting to be thought of as ‘the nice one’ is not being true to yourself.
The more we seek approval, the less we get, the less we seek approval the more we get.
At a recent work event someone very prominent who is used to getting his own way, made subtle, offensive remarks at me in front of everybody.
I took my moment, and said gently but firmly;
‘Please be aware that you won’t get away with speaking to me in this disrespectful manner’.
I didn’t need his approval and now I have tons of it and everyone else’s too. So don’t take my word on this, go work it for yourself, as it works!
Get out and MAKE IT HAPPEN and trust it works.